Debt – Is It a Dating Deal Breaker?

Debt—does it matter in a relationship? 

Surveys say most people are willing to date someone with debt. However, compatible money management styles can be a big factor in a successful relationship.

There’s no doubt that it’s awkward to ask someone about their finances on the third or fourth date, but being open and honest early on can help you avoid nasty surprises down the line. Transparency tends to make for stronger relationships.

If you’re not comfortable chatting about finances with your new love interest, maybe start by observing a few clues. It’s important to figure out what kind of money mentality your significant other has. Here are a few red flags to watch out for.

The “Ignorance Is Bliss” Attitude

Some people aren't comfortable with the subject of money, so they do little to no financial planning. This could be from a lack of interest, or it could be they just don’t want the added stress of dealing with financial matters. In fact, some people who have this attitude don’t know how much is in their bank account.

This can be dangerous. If your partner doesn’t know or care where they stand, there’s a pretty good chance they aren’t financially healthy. No one is saying they need to pull out a suite of budgeting tools every time they buy a taco, but pay attention when your partner talks about making large purchases or important future plans. Do they have a strategy to achieve their wants and goals? Will they make adjustments to earn or save more money to get them? This will help shed some light on how they manage their finances.

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The “Money Is No Object” Approach

Splurging on something nice every now and then may be okay, but does your love interest have the income to match their expenses? 

Additionally, someone might have a great job that pays well, but if the money needs to go toward student loans, rent, car payments, and other debt, there may not be a whole lot of wiggle room left for indulgences without accumulating a lot of debt.

Similarly, if your significant other acts like they have money to burn—drives a fancy car, wears designer duds, and goes on luxury vacations—but doesn’t have the job to back it up, it’s likely they’re either heir to a secret fortune, or racking up debt. If it’s the latter, dating someone with debt and an exorbitant spending problem could be a recipe for financial disaster.

“Card Denied” Events

Declined credit cards could be another sign of financial trouble. Of course, technological blips happen every now and then, but if it’s occurring regularly, there might be a problem. 

Someone who consistently pays their bills on time will usually be shocked if their credit card doesn’t go through. They’ll most likely try the same card again. On the other hand, a person who knows they are carrying debt and has maxed out their credit cards before might just casually pull out a different one.

If you’re dating someone with debt who fits into any of these categories, it could be a sign of money management issues. While finances aren’t everything in a relationship, it’s definitely in the top things to consider when assessing a potential long-term partner. Knowing what’s going on with the other person and getting on the same page financially will help you better protect yourself against damaging your own financial health.

How To Manage Money As A Couple

While dating someone with debt doesn’t mean you’re destined for financial difficulty or a future need for debt relief, it’s not something to ignore, either. Thankfully, learning how to deal with debt, money, and planning for your future doesn’t need to be hard, and you may be able to help your significant other get their financial house in order. 

Here are a few tips for managing money as a couple:

• Communicate about your finances openly and frequently. You need to be on the same page about where you stand financially. Don't hide debt, as that can cause problems in the future.

• Check your credit reports and disclose any issues. A good credit history is an important tool in a lot of relationship milestones, like buying a house together. Make sure you both know where you stand credit-wise.

• Set short- and long-term savings goals. You're building a life together, so decide how that life should look, and how you plan to get there.

• Create a household budget. Living together means sharing everyday expenses. Sit down as a team and create a budget that meets everyone's needs.

• Split expenses fairly. You can split bills 50-50 if you have similar levels of income. Alternatively, you can split expenses by proportion of income. For example, if you make 70% of the household income, you pay 70% of household expenses, while your partner handles the other 30%.

• Decide on joint accounts, individual accounts, or both. Having a joint checking account and savings account for shared expenses and goals can make it easier to organize your finances. You can still keep individual accounts for your fun money, as well as personal savings and investments.

• Automate bill and debt payments. No need to play the blame game on who missed a due date if you have everything set up on autopay.

• Consider seeing a financial planner. A professional financial planner can help you combine your finances seamlessly and create a plan for the future.

With some communication and planning, you can avoid having debt negatively impact your relationship. It doesn't have to be a dating deal breaker, as long as you face it head-on.