3 Financial Red Flags in Relationships
- The way you and your romantic partner think about and manage money impacts you both.
- Spotting common financial red flags in relationships could help you both identify places for improvement and become more aligned in your financial journey.
- Keep your talks open and free from shame, and be willing to make changes. Both partners should be honest about spending and managing money.
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An important part of any relationship, whether brand-new or well-established, is sharing things. Coming together as a couple can mean dividing up housework fairly or deciding who gets to pick what to watch on Netflix. It also often means melding your finances and bills.
Many couples have individual finances as well as some shared money and bills. If you're in different places about how you manage money or talk about your finances, it could be hard to work through financial challenges together. Being out of alignment could also make it more difficult to reach personal finance goals.
When couples take the time to learn to address financial roadblocks together, it can strengthen their relationship. Knowing the areas you could both improve may be helpful. Even if things aren’t perfect now, you can still learn to work together to manage money more effectively.
Let's take a look at a few financial red flags to watch for in relationships.
1. Avoiding Money Talk
In a relationship, it's crucial for both people to feel comfortable discussing money together. Some people need more time to feel comfortable having these discussions.
A few reasons someone might feel uneasy having money talks with a partner include:
Past negative financial experiences
Money fears
Limited financial knowledge
There’s power in overcoming anxiety about these discussions. You might schedule regular money dates to discuss your current financial situation as well as your individual and shared goals.
As you become more comfortable, the two of you could work to change how you think about and approach money individually and as a couple. Open dialogue may also make you a better teammate, which could strengthen your relationship and finances.
Here's an example:
If one of you has credit card debt and is deeply reluctant to discuss money, the other partner could suggest setting a regular time on the calendar—maybe once a month. Call it a money date or a financial check-in, and definitely keep the mood light and positive.
Avoid blame, shame, and negative statements. The point is to work together and review your budget, progress, and goals, like saving for a dream vacation, buying a new couch, or paying off debt.
2. Lack of Motivation
You can overcome just about any financial challenges as a couple—as long as you’re both willing to make some adjustments. It could be a serious red flag if one partner isn't motivated to help make changes for the better.
If one of you has outstanding debt, the path to financial freedom could mean changing how you manage money. This may mean dealing with spending issues, or taking more serious steps to deal with the debt.
Discuss the possibilities as a couple and figure out the best way forward. Here are some ways you could manage debts:
DIY debt payoff. If you can afford debt payments but aren't sure the best way to tackle your goal, consider the debt snowball or debt avalanche methods.
Debt consolidation involves taking on a new loan to pay off multiple existing debts. If you can consolidate with a lower interest rate, you could reduce your monthly debt payments.
Debt settlement is when you attempt to negotiate with your creditors to accept less than you owe to get rid of your debt. You can do this yourselves or hire a debt relief company to work on your behalf.
Whichever method you use, it’s key for both partners to be committed to change.
What should you do if your partner isn't motivated to make changes? You may want to discuss how your lives could be affected if you don't make changes. You might also talk about shared goals you could reach if you do adjust your spending.
Here's an example:
If you have high-interest credit card debt and keep making only minimum payments, your debt will likely continue to grow. Increased debt could hurt your credit scores as well as your emotional and financial well-being.
Discuss the positive outcomes that can result from working together to change how you manage your money. If you're both willing to make changes and agree to take steps to get credit card debt relief, you could become debt-free sooner and improve your financial wellness. This could lead to reduced stress and increased happiness.
3. Spending Secrecy
The heart of any relationship is trust and honesty. That's why it's a big red flag if one partner is hiding debt or making secret purchases that impact both of your finances.
When one partner is secretive about their spending, it could create trust issues that spread to other parts of the relationship. It could also lead to bigger financial concerns. Secretive spending habits impact both people.
Here's an example:
If you have credit card debt and one partner continues secretly using a credit card account the other person isn't aware of, the debt could keep growing. If this continues, it could delay your ability to reach debt freedom.
Address any spending concerns as soon as possible. Make an effort to get on the same page so you can make aligned spending choices. Create an environment where you both feel comfortable discussing financial hurdles.
Avoid blaming or shaming your partner for their choices. You can be better teammates by having honest, judgment-free money talks.
Knowing the Financial Red Flags Could Improve Your Finances and Your Relationship
If you recognize yourself or your partner in some of the warning signs outlined above, don't be too hard on yourself. Once you're aware of what you need to change, you can take steps to improve your financial wellness.
Need help managing your debt together? A professional debt relief company could help explain your debt relief options.
Author Information
Written by
Natasha Etzel
Natasha is a contributing writer for Freedom Debt Relief. She is a veteran professional financial writer. She provides realistic strategies to help readers improve their knowledge and change their financial situations.
Reviewed by
Kimberly Rotter
Kimberly Rotter is a financial counselor and consumer credit expert who helps people with average or low incomes discover how to create wealth and opportunities. She’s a veteran writer and editor who has spent more than 30 years creating thousands of hours of educational content in every possible format.
What is a financial red flag in a relationship?
One financial red flag in relationships to be aware of is money avoidance. Not everyone’s comfortable talking about money, and that's normal. But when one person in a relationship consistently avoids talking about financial struggles, like debt, it could hurt your relationship in the long run.
The best thing is to acknowledge the situation and work together to find a solution. Practice talking about money regularly and without negative feelings so you both feel at ease addressing any financial concerns.
Why is it important for couples to talk about money?
If you don’t talk about your finances with your partner, it could be more difficult to address financial struggles or make progress in your goals. Couples who openly discuss their finances could experience less conflict, feel more comfortable discussing financial concerns that arise, and work together more successfully to create the financial future they want.
How do I talk to my partner about their spending habits?
Talking about spending isn’t that different from other relationship topics, like how to divide household chores. You want to be compassionate and avoid blame when you talk about spending habits. Give your partner space to share how they feel. It could be helpful to discuss the financial benefits that could result from making changes. Remind them that you still love and care about them and that you're committed to your shared financial wellness.